Friday, May 23, 2014

A Corey


This is a brief exclamation of the alias A Corey. My full name is Cordellia Augusta. With the exception of my middle name, which I wish was Augustine, I love my name. Corey was a nickname I was given by friends the first time I was in college. The first time in college, well, if ugly is an experience I had one in living color. I love writing under aliases. It started in College the second time I went.  I was bored that second time in college, bored with writing the same old type of academic papers; I thought it would be more interesting and fun to write academic papers as a White male vampire named Darius. Me I am an average Black woman of little interest to the world. Writing as Darius assuaged a need in me to view and write about history, literature and science from another perspective. As you can imagine, some professors loved the Darius perspective some demanded re-writes which I never did. I accepted a lower letter grade since I knew a letter grade was not indicative of what I had learned.
Corey as a nickname was great it was easy and it matched my personality. “A Corey” is in the tradition of a war cry. It is my declaration to self I am a writer. I took a break from writing this post to read The New Yorker; it was sheer luck for me to click on John Wray’s piece What’s in a Pen Name. I decided to borrow his words and include them here:
…From a certain angle, there’s almost no difference between a piece of fiction and a dramatic monologue, or even a stand-up comedy routine. The wonder of revision, I’ve always thought, is that it enables the writer—any writer, regardless of experience or skill—to run through a given routine again and again, until it suddenly becomes worth listening to. And the advantage of a pen name—in my case, at least—is that it gives said writer the courage to perform for his imaginary audience, no matter how charmless or pretentious he might feel.
Wray’s wisdom more than adequately sums up my feelings of the use of pen names and aliases for my writing. Despite my “A Corey” war cry I suffer from a certain fear that my performance may not be worth the time of the audience. And still I revise.
What’s in a Pen Name? : The New Yorker www.newyorker.com

When I wrote this I never dreamed that Maya Angelou would die within the week. The last line in this post was and is a tribute to Still I rise. Love you Maya and I do know why the caged bird sings.
Still I Rise
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise

I rise
I rise.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

I Don't Know Who Jesus is to You.




I wish I had a Hallmark  worthy adage  I could tell you about parents as they get older. Unfortunately, I don't have anything like that to tell you.

However,I did find Jesus when I visited my mom for a few weeks last summer. I was searching my mother's fridge in an attempt to soothe my sweet tooth when I spotted it. I asked my mom if I could have the candy bar I found in the freezer. “Don’t eat it!” she yelled. “It’s The Last Supper!” Disbelief filled me; I pulled out the chocolate out of the freezer. Sure enough, when I peeled back the silver foil, I saw Jesus. The disciples were there too. At the time, I thought that Jesus probably would've wanted me to eat it on principle alone because, really, who imprints The Last Supper on a chocolate bar?

I wrestled with myself. How long would it take her figure out I ate the candy? A day? A week? I sighed standing there wrestling with the devil because he’s always in the details. How could I arrange the freezer so she would not know the chocolate was gone? Would she be really mad? Did it even matter if I ate it?


Finally, I decided that if Mom wanted to meet Jesus at the freezer it was none of my business and I wouldn't eat him. I know wherever she meets Jesus they are both having a good time. What I believe is not necessarily for anyone else but me...and that’s okay. Jesus is part of my Mom’s soul and that’s more than okay with me. That candy obviously had meaning to her.


Chocolate Jesus remained in her freezer until a couple of months later when my sister threw him in the trash without a second thought while we cleaned and packed my Moms house. My heart hiccuped at his demise. I knew I should've eaten Jesus.

draft

I Don't Know Who Jesus is to You.


I wish I had a Hallmark worthy adage I could tell you about parents as they get older. Unfortunately, I don't have anything like that to tell you.

However,I did find Jesus when I visited my mom for a few weeks last summer. I was searching my mother's fridge in an attempt to soothe my sweet tooth when I spotted it. I asked my mom if I could have the candy bar I found in the freezer. “Don’t eat it!” she yelled. “It’s The Last Supper!” Disbelief filled me; I pulled out the chocolate out of the freezer. Sure enough when I  peeled back the silver foil, I saw Jesus. The disciples were there too. At the time, I thought that Jesus probably would've wanted me to eat it on principle alone because, really, who imprints The Last Supper on a chocolate bar?


I wrestled with myself.  How long would it take her figure out I ate the candy? A day? A week? I sighed standing there wrestling with the devil because he’s always in the details. How could I arrange the freezer so she would not know the chocolate was gone? Would she be really mad? Did it even matter if I ate it?



Finally, I decided that if Mom wanted to meet Jesus at the freezer it was none of my business and I wouldn't eat him. I know wherever she meets Jesus they are both having a good time. What I believe is not necessarily for anyone else but me...and that’s okay. Jesus is part of my Mom’s soul and that’s more than okay with me. That candy obviously had meaning to her.

Chocolate Jesus remained in her freezer until a couple of months later when my sister threw him in the trash without a second thought while we cleaned and packed my Moms house. My heart hiccuped at his demise. I knew I should've eaten Jesus.

Its Not Black or White

The Supreme Court heralded a post racial society in its recent decision on affirmative action. After the decision, Craven Blunder (Cliven Bundy) and Donald Sterling kindly set the nation straight on such notions, and in case you didn't hear a congressman referred to a Black reporter as an ape. Before I could finish this and publish... a rural police commissioner called President Obama a nigger, really, this could all be so simple but some would rather make it hard. It’s not Black or White. We know that The Blunders, Sterlings and Trumps and are not isolated in their thinking they simply express those thoughts in isolated venues with implicit agreement among peers where such thoughts are aired. This is not only a White phenomenon it is also a prevalent Black phenomenon. I will not relate anecdotal examples of the Black version of the phenomena (I know you want me to though), just take my word for it a Black woman sitting here listening to Biggie Smalls while I work this piece of writing into a coherent meaningful artful slice of the written word.    
     The last few weeks of global conversations about race and ethnicity has me sincerely praying that the earth doesn't face a hostile alien take over any time soon. I am not sure that there would be any degree of cooperation found among warring factions on this earth. With much of the warring and maltreatment of others founded in erroneous beliefs based on race. Beliefs codified in language by people who are Black and people who are White although technically there are no such scientifically proven creatures as Black and White humans. Black and White humans are social constructs. The human race is much more complicated than Black and White. It’s not Black and White. By no means does acknowledging this negate the history of mistreatment of people of color or the institutional process of racism based on color as it exists within the national borders of the United States and beyond. It is time to leave behind social constructs based on race.
     It is so often quoted that hate is learned; well, so is love. Underground rap music as an art form has long posed an existential question: Where is the love?  Reason alone does not answer the pain of experience. As Black people, we are aware of the need to use the tools of reason and logic to fight against the danger of racism but logic and reason do not fully address painful-hateful actions and words manifested against citizenry of a country for no other reason than they are “Black”.  Personally, I don’t have all the answers in a world where justification for ideology acquiesces to apartheid states of people herded onto narrows strips of land. Social constructs divide you and me further and further from each other, at the same time we are as close as we will ever be connected through another kind of codified language shared here on the internet. 
     Recently, I was personally introduced to an example of codified language. While I waited for my bus home one evening an older man not of color struck up a conversation with me. When he spoke to me he kept uttering the phrase “The Blacks”. Every time he spoke the phrase I wanted to know, in my heart of hearts, who the hell he was talking about. I had a Wylie Coyote moment with a light bulb above my head. Oh. Me. I am “The Blacks”. This man used language consciously or unconsciously throughout our conversation, and remained largely unaware of my perspective. I wondered if he was intentionally being demeaning. Many use third person language in reference to others quite deliberately, in either case, it is codification based on race. Paulo Freire mentions in Pedagogy of Oppressed how language is used to subjugate; it was one of things I had to be confronted with on a personal level to truly gain an understanding of the intensity of it. 
     The more we connect the more we understand there is also disconnection and that certain language is used to distort and foster disconnection. Mr. Blunder has spoken of “The Negro”. He wondered about “The Negroes” life in 2014 compared to the self-satisfaction of the “The Negroes” life during slavery, a contentment that did not in fact exist in the condition of slavery. “The Blacks” are not amused at this latest blatant incarnation of the same old bullshit by use of the third person in maintaining the illusion of other. I echo the question that has already been posed: Where is the love? 
     Words create. Words create worlds surely as the cosmos were created by explosions of energy happening faster than the speed of light. Words have the potential energy to rock civilization toward a horizon of transformation. Words have the power to obliterate barriers of social constructs and make us something better. Picture a world where words transform the spiritual nature of man, science, systems of government, food, medicine and life because we no longer use words to exclude the other.



Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Getting there...

I am working to get things going and I have a few new pages up for you to enjoy. Slowly but surely its happening here. I encourage you to comment on this blog site or how will I know?
A Corey

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Forever Me.

Soon...I will be ready to publish my first piece since redesigning and rethinking this blog thing. I was an avid Daily Kossack (http://www.dailykos.com/) and I still am to degrees. I needed my own venue to publish in. I pledge to always publish to Subject of Discussion first. I am  looking forward to publishing a on going segment called "Going on in Denver" as a part of this site. 4\20 @Civic Center Park? Yeah, I went there. I will always refer you back to this next statement on grammar errors. Point out errors I will appreciate it very much if you do. I am in the process of mastering grammar. I will make some errors on purpose to get points across through writing. Other errors will because I honestly did not catch it but will fix them when I see them or they are pointed out. The goal here is to put out quality content in a style-consistent with  my voice. I am frequently a fan of the absurd. I would enjoy the chance to entertain you.

Sincerely

A Corey